Let me start by confessing: I hate the cold. I was that kid in ski school who made the whole group go indoors every 2nd run to warm up. I used to make my last running partner giggle when I’d show up fully bundled in contrast to her shorts and T. Since moving from Vancouver to Toronto, I have found the cold to be even more intrusive. I can easily be found wearing a parka and mitts in May. But despite all this, and much to my surprise, I am creating a new and interesting relationship with deliberate cold exposure.

I was thinking about what I felt like writing to you right now; the conversations I’ve been having on repeat in clinic, and the wishes I have for all of you at this time. The one topic that kept coming to my mind was joy.

A patient called me recently and said she didn’t know what was wrong with her. She felt things had been looking up in her life. Her kids were more settled, case counts were stable(ish), she was seeing friends and family again, and the weather was good. But somehow, she was feeling worse than ever. ‘Aren’t I supposed to be happy?’ she said. I knew exactly what she meant. She was not alone. I’d heard this before. Similar versions have been echoed by so many of my patients (and frankly by me personally). Just when we thought we were about to get off the rollercoaster, the ride had started to tick upwards, and for many, it was too much to bear.

Hey...how are you doing...no really???

Last week was Mental Health Awareness Week, which got me thinking about my own mental health as we keep slogging our way through this pandemic.

How many times have you been asked how you are doing and your autopilot response drive kicks in and you respond “fine”.

When really, inside we aren’t.

It’s time we start being real and stop hiding behind being fine.

When I sat down to write this season, I thought back on all my latest conversations in practice. I thought of recent podcasts I'd heard, experiences of family and friends, and posts I'd read on social media. There are many topical concerns these days, but one stands out by far. There is a lot of low mood, flat affect, and situational depression going on right now. Full disclosure: I have been struggling with some of it myself, and have been drawing together my own toolkit and healthcare team to help.

I was going to genuinely say ‘I hope this email finds you well’, but then I recently saw a meme on social media that read ‘your email most certainly doesn’t find me well’. And this, I suppose, is the very reason to reach out. Nonetheless, I am authentically still wondering how you are all doing really?

Initial thoughts on COVID 19 from Mar 2020

I have sat down to write and edit this article multiple times and the story keeps shifting. My goal in reaching out to you is to inform you, empower you, and reassure you. I understand if you are afraid, and yes, the coronavirus is something to pay attention to, but mass hysteria and panic are not helpful.

It’s 6:30 am and I find myself digging through boxes for toques and mitts. The weather has cooled down significantly in my neck of the woods. The first sign for many of us that transition is in the air! But the changing weather is just the latest in a series of transitions in my life. As many of you know, I recently moved from my adulthood home (Vancouver) to my childhood home (Toronto). All I can say is: What a wild ride! It’s been challenging, thrilling and overall pretty wobbly. I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating this change, so I’ve assembled some notes to share.